?

Log in

May. 11th, 2014

Sometimes...i wish i was dead...

Fuck

'Llo, interwebs. Long time no talk.
Tonight i realized just how fucked up i am...
I'm dropping out of college...planning on maybe taking a semester off and then going back to school, community college this time...cause i fucked up so bad. I spent these years fucking around. What a waste of three and a half years of tuition and fucking life...my parents are going to hate me. More than they already do...if that's possible. They plan making me move back home...not cool. Nope. Not cool at all.
I've recently noticed how much i drink. And it's fucking scaring me. I mean,  i drink too fucking much. I smoke. I do things i'm not proud of. Then i black out and can't remember who i slept with, what i've done, or what i've said. It's pathetic.
I hate myself. That's just it. I thought about killing myself a few times...but i'm too fucking scared to do anything. Fucking pussy.
Then my best friend, she calls me up telling me her boyfriend fucking hit her and spit in her face. What kind of fucking douche spit in a girls face!! I hate him. I could hear her crying. I wanted nothing more than to fucking kill him.
God.
What's fucking wrong with me?
I'm fucking losing it.
I hate it.
...
This escalated fast. Well...
It's not like anybody out there gives two shits or will even see this. Just our little secret i guess, right, interwebs? Dude, you've become a pity party of one, Hamish...what a bitchtits...
Maybe i'm still fucking high...i don't even know anymore...
Me and Slendy are gunna pinch a 20$ from a bitch...

...Yup...Basically the story of my life...

Soooo...hello once again my lonely little corner of the inter webs. I came to shout out into the empty abyss that is your being, maybe i'll get an echo back, most likely not...woo...
Wow, i'm just a sad little panda aren't i...
So, apparently i'm that kind of sad guy in stories who is always falling for the wrong person...but unlike in the stories, i don't get the girl...i just get to become the sad kid who doesn't count...
I don't do it on purpose...it just fucking happens. And this time with a really really chill girl. I thought we had something. Fuck, we were getting cozy, we've been friends with a bit more for a bit over a year.
Then she tells me there's another dude she's trying to have something serious with and hey, she's sorry to have led me on but we're still cool right? Am i just not serious relationship material?! I mean...come on! Not to blow my own dick, but i'm a good looking guy, i'm nice, I'm a gentleman, i actually CARE. But apparently that's not what they want... They want a bro; a tanned, ripped, bleached hair, bro who only has them as arm candy...
Well, nice guys never win i guess.
Ha...and since summer, i've partied a bit too hearty...i've decided to fuck relationships and for now i'm just gunna be a dick cause apparently that's what all the women i know want...
...This has become my own personal bitchfest zone...all the manly tears of shame i'm shedding. I need to go on a soul cleansing mountain expedition, maybe fight some bears and meditate under some waterfalls.
Slenderman and i are taking 20$ to the thrift shop cause maybe we'll find something and it will be pretty fucking awesome.
...Yo...empty corner of cyberspace...i've been traumatized for life...
You know you've hit pretty fucking low (dare i say rock bottom?) when you go to so many fucking parties that you forget who invited you and you notice that your wardrobe is smaller because of things you've lost and shall never get back. When you drink too many different alcoholic beverages, do too many oddly colored shots off too many random body parts, and put stuff in your body that would make your nan weep tears of blood because of the shame.
And at one such party, you black out only to wake up half naked with some girls frilly chesticle supporters wrapped around your neck like some fucked up (very lovely and silky, neon pink) neck bling. Oh, and let's not forget THE RANDOM GUY SUCKING YOUR DICK LIKE IT'S HIS FUCKING JOB!!! ...Now, i'm not gay. Not homosexual. Nope. And this freaked me out. Bad.
I thought i was hallucinating. I've seen worse. But then he looks up, slurs something along the lines of, "Hey, i like your cock." (I wasn't anywhere near sober...) and dives back down like my dick was the last iced lolly in the whole fucking desert of his life! (Awesome sentence, Hamish, you boss.) I vaguely remember spazzing and pushing him off, stumbling out of the room, and leaving the house only to black out again...I woke up the next morning next to some pool. After promptly watering whoever's rose bush with my lovely stomach fluids, i went inside to maybe find my shirt...or hat...or shoes...
As i had emptied my stomach fluids onto some really nice red roses i had convinced myself i dreamt the whole thing. I got a nice wake up call when i walked into the kitchen to see Mr. Dickrape. He looked at me, scowled, growled (WHO GROWLS AT PEOPLE?!?!) , and made sure to knock his shoulder into mine on his way out of the room...in my drunken, high stupor i had given him a black eye...
Maybe he shouldn't date rape a guy's dick while he's too smashed to do anything about it.
Oh! And to make things just a tad bit more lovely, me and dick rape dude? We've got a class together. Fuckit.
Suffice to say...i'm gunna try and not go to random parties anymore...not only do i get my dick mouth raped by some random dude...but now i'm super close to finals and am only being saved by my amazingly lucky ability to soak in knowledge without paying attention to lectures...This last month i've ben fucking things up...
I feel violated in so many fucking ways.
Haha! Good times, amiright? ...no, just...no...
Well...sharing time is over! Enjoy my shame Interwebs...enjoy my pain...
FUCK+LIFE.+fuck+work+fuck+life......+im+going+to+space_455214_3130975
Me and Slenderman shall most definitely NOT be hitting any clubs...and 20$ are still needed but for energy drinks and coffee cause these last few weeks shall be used on all nighters to make sure there is no failing for this panda bro!
Oh...and i'm moving to space, cause i heard the weather was nice and there was never traffic jams...plus sharks can attack you and i like sharks...
Hello...anybody who actually reads my brain vomit (and isn't that just the loveliest mental picture ever...) Today is personal rant day!
So i went over to my friend Anya's place and we were hanging out, as we're wont to do, as a group. It was me, Anya (my friend), and her roommates (we'll call them Thing 1 and Thing 2).
And Thing 2 has this thing for me. I'm not flattering myself (i don't think there's much to flatter...) she makes it obvious...like *high pitched voice*~ Oh, Hamish! You spilled some crumbs on your lap! Here, let me just rub your crotch free of the crumbs while i smush my breasts all up on your arm...~ And most guys would gladly let some girl get up all in their little guys space...but i wasn't raised like that (younger brother to three older sisters...the respect i learned for women). It's just creepy and awfully uncomfortable. Not to mention i feel absolutely nothing towards her.
But the point of this story is...i'm at an impasse my dear interwebs. I love hanging out with Anya, she's the bee's knees! But hanging out with her usually means walking around the city (which is lovely!) and then going back to her place to hang out or do homework, and that means Thing 1 and Thing 2. Thing 1 is great! She's nice and is wicked when it comes to playing Left 4 Dead 2, so that earns her brownie points....but Thing 2 makes me honest to God uncomfortable...(how sad is that...some tiny girl makes me uncomfortable) i don't want to be rude and, like, say something mean to her but she just doesn't get the meaning of the word no...and Anya and i can't really hang out at my place. I don't think she'd be as comfortable around three 20/21 year old guys playing video games in their underpants while shouting at the tv and being testosterone fueled men in every sense of the words...
And wow...isn't this just the saddest post you ever did see?! ...no more whiny posts...
Anyways, maybe Slenderman had it right. What with going and spending all his time at the club, well, whenever he's not chasing people for taking down his pictures in woods and abandoned places...i'm gunna buy a suit and some paper so i can start putting pictures up too!

Dear Interwebs!

Hello! (echoes back eeily)
Yeah...that's pretty much expected. Me here, talking to myself. Not that's anything new or anything...
Anyways! Holy motherhumping fuck! I'm baaaack~! After a good, what? Four months?
So, i've been gone, off living life. You know, the usual manly man stuff. I went on a hike to the mountains, fought some bears, meditated under some waterfalls, drank my own piss. Just manly man stuff!
...
No. I didn't do any of that...especially the piss drinking. Can anybody say unsanitary? Or even grody, really.
No, i've actually just been vegitating. (is that even a word?...fuckit, Now it is!) But since i'm back in the here and now, i decided to actually give this thing some attention...
But on that note...i guess i'm gunna go...maybe fight some bears?
Me and Slender are heading to the club...anybody got 20$?

Hello Interwebs.

Welp, I finally got the balls to create a LiveJournal for myself. Though I don't really know if anybody even cares to read this, probably not seeing as I'm just another nobody floating through time and space, trying to make it through another day without just withering away and blinking out of existence.
Anyhoos, on that lovely and very positive note! I say hello to you Interwebs. This is just me, simple and plain me, trying to leave a small print, (be it a solid tangible print, a carbon footprint, or computer scripted code on the Interwebs) on this huge water covered rock, hurling through space and dancing around the sun we call our home.
Who know what I'll do with this. Probably just post my thoughts, fears, and eh, maybe even desires.
For now, I saw farewell and till we meet again, dear Interwebs for I have a date with the Slenderman and he needs $20.